JB explains the history of Homosexual Nanobot Vaccinations

 You are JB, a survivor trying to survive in a post apocalyptic world by scavenging among the ruins of what is left. You have a backpack and a canteen. You haven't eaten in two days so you're desperately searching for food. You enter a rundown building and

 see a woman stabbing another one with a knife.

"Get off me!" Jeanette yells as you walk in.

"You're alive," you say.

"Of course I am."

> You "So you survived the Level 49 COVID fallout with the rest of team B. That's good."

"I just saw a man get his arms blown off by a mutant sniper," she says. "That's even better."

> You "That's not what I expected you to say at all."

"What do you mean?"

"I expected you to be dead."

"Oh. I suppose I'm just really good at surviving, or lucky. Which is it, anyway?"

> You "I guess Lucky. After the Aluminum vaccine group poisoning of the Biden Breakout on Stellaris moon cluster of 2023, I never thought either of us would make it out alive."

"So, tell me about the vaccine."

"You really want to know?"

"Sure."

> You "In 2020, the masses were told there was a cure for something called Kung-Flu. The government deployed vaccination drones to stab anything with skin, instantly vaccinating the masses. Those who escaped were the lucky ones. years later, the vaccine was proved to cause mutations of their DNA in some, and giving mutant powers to others."

"So, it was a lie?"

"Oh, yes. But it was effective, one must acquir ea sies sins."

> You jB Pulled up his sleeve to show his vaccination tracker that he dug out of skin with a heated blade.

"I'm immune to it. Here, check my tracker."

"So...what then? Did your Apex team vaccine you?"

"Yes, they did."

> You "Apex team 42 to be exact. They got me good. Tracked for life with Bill Gates nano-bots that cause you to turn gay."

Jeanette chuckles.

"So yeah, you're set for life."

"At least it seems so."

"So what's the plan after getting out of here?"

> You "I'm going to have consensual homosecual relations with the Cyborgs of block 1138. you in?"

"Sure. I mean going by what you told me, it sounds better than taking their drugs which probably just make you go bald."

> You "Perfect." JB Shows off his mutant 4 headed genetalia with a flourish.

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Jeanette breaks the silence.

"So...um...what group are you in?"

"I'm in the 'New Dawn' gang.

JB of the future uses incorrect gender and pronouns, and pays the ultimate price.

You are Joe Biden the 5th, a cyborg living in the the futuristic city of Zail. You have a bionic arm and a holoband. You're walking down the dark city streets while neon lights flash brightly above you. As you pass an alley you see a strange man covered in blood with sunglasses covering his eyes.

You walk on.

"Ah, the good Captain Conner. I presume?" a voice says behind you.

"You presume right,"

> You turning around, "My name is not Captain Conner. I'm detective Joe Biden the 5th with the 2077 Trump Virus Taskforce. Who are you?"

"I'm Captain Rios, of the 23rd Infantry Regiment. I've been fighting off hordes of mutants, pirates and the occasional anti-military terrorist group."

"Any relation to the old man?

> You "Not sure which old man you are talking about." Joe studies Captain Rios for signs of deception.

"He's a very convincing liar," he says to you.

"Alright, Mr...."

"Rios, Captain Rios."

"Alright, Captain Rios. What can I do for you?"

"We need reinforcements, Captain."

"We?

> You "My name is Joe Biden. Not Captain Conner. Call me Captain Conner again and I'm going to have to arrest you for Article 4798 of the Harris relation segregation code that prohibits citizens from dead naming other citizens. Also, you must address me by my correct pronoun, Quantum Flux-Enabled Hydroproxy Serf, Protomale."

You don't need to add the last bit, Rios knows what you're talking about.

"Sorry, Captain.

> You "Tell me everything you know about the Osaka Mark III, Yamaha class androids over there captain."

Rios explains that androids are a rarity. They're just used by the military for reconnaissance and the most part.

> You "Have we taken out their Goo-Twit particle silicon for a full memory dump?"

"Not yet, but with your help I'm certain we will. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to find my men.

> You biden takes out his Glock Safety Gun, Leviathan class Plasma array pistol, shooting Captain Rios in the back of his head as he walks away.

"How the hell did you get a gun?"

> You rios turns around, a hole in his Yahoo Brand positronic solid state brain, falling to the ground.

"I have my ways."

"You didn't need to kill him, I could have done that", The voices say.

> You noticing inner turmoil as Joe Biden is hearing voices, he realizes the voices did not use correct pronouns, and exacts Article 4798 of the Harris Relation Segregation Code, and takes his own life.

"I wish to have seen the world with you, now Joe. Goodbye."

> You pulls trigger.

"Thank you, now I can finally sleep." Joe Biden The 5th's positronic brain shuts down. 

JB Hordes goes crazy, hordes toilet paper

You are JB, a survivor trying to survive in a post apocalyptic world by scavenging among the ruins of what is left. You have a hatchet and a hunting rifle. You live in a small community of survivors who have managed to build a piece of civilization after the bombs fell. You are talking to one of the leaders of the community when you realize that he has been lying to you for years about everything.

"What do you mean I can't leave?" You ask. "I am not a prisoner here."

The leader looks at his watch, then turns to look directly into your eyes.

> "Dude, get the fuck away from me, i know you have the Corona Virus."

He doesn't even try to deny it. He just walks out the door without another word and leaves you behind.

You spend the next few days wandering aimlessly looking for food and water, but nothing comes to you.

> Look for toilet paper to horde

You decide to look for some toilet paper so you can hoard it all. It will be good practice for when you actually need it.

A couple of hours later, you find a bunch of them laying on the ground near where you were standing before.

> awesome. lets hide this toilet paper and find more toilet paper at costco so other people cant have it

You go back to the store and buy as much toilet paper as you can carry. You hide it under some old newspapers in the bathroom, hoping nobody else will come in there.

After a while, you hear someone coming up the stairs.

> "Hey dude, fuck you, this is my toilet paper, you cant have it. Take your corona virus somewhere else"

You walk over to the newspaper and grab the toilet paper. You put it in your pocket and start walking down the stairs.

Suddenly, you feel a sharp pain run through your arm, followed by a burning sensation.

> what the fuck? is this the feeling of the corona virus?

You look down and see a red rash covering your entire arm. You scream in agony as you drop the newspaper. The person who was watching you screams too, but they don't help you. They just run off leaving you alone with your horrible new condition.

> "Now i have the Corona Virus. I guess this is it."

You look around and see no-one, so you call out to them.

"Hello? Anyone there?" You shout.
"Oh yes! Yes! Oh yes!" A voice answers back. "We are the ones who should be helping you!

> You cant have my fucking toilet paper

You yell back,

You scream and cry for help. Someone needs to help you. You can't take this anymore.

> kill the stranger and steal his toilet paper and hand sanitizer

You grab the stranger's bag and open it up. Inside you find a bottle of hand sanitizer and toilet paper. You quickly wrap your arms around yourself and begin crying uncontrollably.

The stranger looks at you with concern, but says nothing.

> die of corona virus

You finally give into your despair and let the corona virus consume you.