JB's Pitchfork of Naked Woman Summoning +1

You are JB, a peasant living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a pitchfork and a nothing else. You wake up and begin working in the fields. You see a girl walking towards you. She is beautiful, but she has no clothes on. The only thing that makes her more attractive is the pitchfork in your hand.

> "Hello there girl. See this pitchfork? It makes you more attractive."

"Hiya!" She says back.

The girl runs off into the woods. You continue to work for an hour or so before you notice something strange... The girl was never here at all!

> Jb Stares at the pitchfork. "Could this be a magic pitchfork of naked woman summoning?"

"Maybe..." You think as you stare at the pitchfork.

You suddenly feel very cold. Suddenly, you hear a voice behind you. "Hey! What are you doing staring at my fucking pitchfork?!" A man with a long white beard speaks angrily.

> "See here wizard, you can not have this pitchfork of naked woman summoning. It's mine! All mine!"

"Oh really? Well I'm going to make sure you don't get it, because if you do, then I'll show you what happens when one gets possessed by a naked woman!"

The pitchfork disappears from your hands and falls down onto the ground.

Then, you feel a strange feeling. You start sweating profusely and you feel sick. Your body feels like its about to explode from the inside out.

> "Wizard.. what.. are you.. doing to me!"

"I'm just giving you a little taste of what will happen if you ever try to summon a naked woman!" He laughs.

Suddenly, he throws his arms around your neck and starts kissing you passionately. Then, he begins rubbing his cock against yours while continuing to kiss you deeply.

> "Great Thor's Beard!" JB says pushing the gay wizard away and reaching his pitchfork to defend himself.

"What the fuck are you doing?! Stop it right now!" JB shouts.
"Shut up nerd! Now stop being such a pussy and let's go back to our own village where we belong!"

JB walks away while Thor continues to attack him.

> "Listen Thor the Wizard, fix this spell on me and put your cock away, I've had enough!" JB brandishes the Pitchfork of Naked Woman Summoning at the wizard, accidentally summoning 3 naked women in the process.

Thor: "Ah, sorry about that. I didn't mean to hurt anyone."
JB: "No worries about that! Anyway, let's go back home!"

They both run back to their village where they live happily ever after.

JB Is Blessed by the Spirit of Ric Flair

You are JB, a knight living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a steel longsword and a wooden shield. You are on a quest to defeat the evil dragon of Larion. You've heard he lives up at the north of the kingdom. You set on the path to defeat him and walk into a dark forest. As you enter the forest you see a large black dragon flying above you. He is watching you with his one good eye.

"What do I do?" you ask yourself as the dragon stares down at you. "I need to attack now."

The dragon lets out a roar that shakes the ground beneath your feet.

> JB is possessed by the spirit of Ric Flair from WcW

Ric Flair's spirit appears before you. His face looks like it has been burned off. He stands there looking down at you.

"JB, what are you doing here? What happened to your mind?" he asks in an angry tone.

> "Ric Flair, I need your power to fight this dragon, please, you are my only hope. Wooooo!"

Flair laughs and raises his hand up. A lightning bolt hits you, but luckily you don't feel any pain. The dragon roars again and flies towards Flair who stands his ground with a mighty roar.

> "Wooooo!" Screams JB as he rushes the dragon with his steel long sword.

You charge the dragon with your steel long sword. The dragon roars once more and charges you. You swing your blade and slice through the air, but unfortunately it doesn't kill the dragon. It just knocks you back several meters.

"No! Nooo!"

> Jb Holds his sword up to the sky, "Ric Flair, enchant my sword so I may slay this dragon!"

You hold up your sword and scream out loud.

"Ric Flair, enchant my sword so I may slay this dragon!" you shout.

Suddenly the wind blows and a small blue crystal appears in front of you. You take it and throw it at the dragon.

It strikes the dragon in its side causing it to let out a cry of pain. The dragon turns around and attempts to fly away, but you catch it by the neck and slam it against the ground.

"NO! NO! NO!"

> "WOOOOOOOOOO!" JB Screams as he pummels the dragon with all the might of 10 Ric Flairs.

You continue to pound the dragon until it falls over. You then proceed to kick the dragon repeatedly in the head until it dies. After killing the dragon, you look up at the sky and sigh in relief.

> "Thank you Ric Flair, you are truly a god amungst men."

You thank Ric Flair for saving your life.

"Don't mention it, I'm not going anywhere."

Afterwards you go back home where you tell everyone about how great Ric Flair was. They think it sounds pretty cool too.

JB and The Milk Monster

You are JB, a squire living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a spear and a pack of supplies. You follow Sir Theo as he enters the forest, he turns to you and says "We will be back soon."

The next day you hear a loud noise from the direction of the village. It sounds like an explosion or something similar. The villagers are frightened by this noise and run away from their homes.


> "Sir Theo, i think I heard a loud noise coming from the villiage. I think its the milk monster."


"Yes, yes it is," Theo replies. He then tells his men to search for the source of the noise and they do so without any problems.

A few days pass and you continue your journey when you see a large group of people running towards you from the direction of the village.

 > "Sir Theo, why did it take 2 days to search the villiage and there are still people running from it? Surely we should do something. I Heard the milk monster shoots milk from its monsterous titties!"

 "I don't know what you're talking about, but that's not happening. We just need to wait until nightfall before we can go out and hunt him down."

Two more days pass and you continue on your journey when you see a huge creature standing in front of the village.

 > "Sir theo! It's the milk monster! Look at the size of its horrible breasts!"

 "It's not a milk monster, it's a giant spider. And if you keep calling it that, I'm going to start calling you a big fat ugly troll."

The Milk Monster is bigger than anything you've ever seen before.

 > "Alas you are correct. Here is your spear to kill the spider with, and your glasses to see what the hell is right in front of you that is most obviously a giant Milk Monster from hell."

 You throw your spear at the Milk Monster and it catches it easily.

You turn around and see the villagers running away from you. They were scared by the Milk Monster's appearance, which made them run away.

 > I taste the milk left behind from the milk monsters gigantic mammaries

 You feel the deliciousness of the milk. It tastes like heaven.

You look up and see a tall man wearing glasses sitting on top of a hill, watching you. His name is Sir Theo and he has been hunting Milk Monsters since he was young.

 > "Sir Theo, I think we should get the Milk Monster now. It's terrorizing the villiage and killing it's people."

 "No, no, no, we should wait. I mean the Milk Monster is probably still nearby and we don't want to attack it while it's asleep."

 > "Sir Theo, you are the dumbest fucking person I have ever met."

 "What?"
"You are the dumbest fucking person I have ever met. Why would you believe me? I am a stupid peasant who doesn't even understand how to use my own weapon properly."

He sighs and looks at you angrily.

 > "Get off the hill and save the Villiage Sir Theo, or I will be forced to do something stupid."

 You stop him and tell him to leave the hill.

"Why? What do you want me to do?"

"Just get off the hill, because if you don't, I will."

 > JB drinks the milk of the Milk Monster and begins to feel something powerful take over him

 You drink the milk and immediately feel something happen inside of you. The Milk Monster is back!

You begin to laugh maniacally as you shoot all your arrows into the Milk Monster, which causes it to fall off the hill. You then proceed to eat it alive.

 > JB absorbs the power of the milk monster by eating its flesh and grows huge fantastic tits in which to kill Sir Theo the Idiot with

 You grow enormous tits in which to kill Sir Theo the idiot. You then proceed to eat his body.

Your friends are very impressed by your actions.

 > "Here here good friends! See, I have used my new found power to kill Sir Theo, being he was dumbest Knight in all the land. Let us drink of my breast milk and be merry!"

 You drink some more milk and enjoy yourself.

And so ends the story of the Milk Monster.

JB Accidentally creates a gay clone of himself, summons demons, and becomes a Witcher

You are JB, a wizard living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a staff and a spellbook. You finish your long journey and finally arrive at the ruin you've been looking for. You look around and see that it's completely destroyed. The walls are gone, the roof is caved in and there’s nothing left but rubble.

The next day you head to the nearest town where you hope to find someone who can help you with your quest.

Find the nearest pub

You walk down the street and notice that it's almost empty. There aren’t many people out right now so most of them are probably at home or doing something else. You decide to go to one of those places first.

find the nearest inn

You enter an old building and sit on a bench outside. A few minutes later you hear some noise from inside. You go over to investigate and see several men drinking beer and talking about how they got into this mess.

ask the men what happened

One of the men comes up to you and asks if you need any help. He tells you he's named John and that he was working as a cook when all hell broke loose.

"John, What exactly happened here?"

He looks at you confused and then says "I don't know anything really, I just woke up in the middle of the night and found myself trapped under tons of rubble."

"Do you know anyone that would have an idea of what happened here?"

He nods and says "Well my friend Dave works here, but he's not sure what happened either. He thinks it might be related to the new magical weapon that King Roldan has been developing lately."

You nod and tell him you'll talk to Dave later.

Go inside the Inn

You enter the Inn and ask the bartender for a drink. After getting it, you tell him that you're going to talk to Dave later. He smiles and thanks you before leaving.

Cast a spell on the drink

You quickly grab a bottle of ale and pour some of it into the glass you were given. You then begin chanting in some sort of language that only you understand.

What magical properties does the drink have?

Suddenly the glass shatters and you feel yourself being pulled through space and time. Your body feels lighter than air and you float upwards until you land on top of a table. You immediately fall unconscious.

try to wake up

You open your eyes and look around. The room is dark except for a small candle sitting on the table. You slowly stand up and realize that you're still floating in mid-air. You can also feel yourself slowing down as you approach the ground.

case a spell of illumination and look around

You raise your hand and light appears above you. You turn around and notice that the candles are gone, replaced by a large black hole in the center of the room.

You look behind you and see nothing but darkness.

inspect the black hole

You walk over to the hole and examine it more closely. It seems like there's something inside, but you can't quite make out what it is. Suddenly you hear a voice from somewhere within the darkness.

"Hello? Is this...is this you?"

"I'm not sure who you are looking for. Who is it that I'm talking to?"

The voice answers back "It's me! It's me! Can you help me get home?"

You pause for a moment before answering "Of course!"

"Where am I exactly? Where do I come from? What happened to my family?"

"give me a second and I'll get you out of there."

You continue walking forward and soon find yourself standing in front of a massive door. There's no keyhole or anything else that would let you know where this door leads.

Cast a spell of open door

You close your eyes and concentrate hard. A bright light shines through the window and you see a glowing red button. You press it and suddenly the door swings open with a loud bang.

There stands an old man wearing rags, holding a cane in one hand and a bucket in another.

Ask the old man, "Were you the one yelling earlier? I'm here to bring you home. I think I accidentally opening a portal in time, But i can get us back."

He looks at you with surprise and smiles "Yes, yes you are. I was just trying to get home."

You nod in response and step forward towards him. He steps back and holds his hands up defensively "Don't worry about it, we can fix everything if you want."

You take a deep breath and smile back at him "Thank you so much!" You then begin to run towards the door. The old man follows after you, but he stops when he sees that you've already left the house.

"How can you fix this?

He begins to explain "Well, I don't have any magic powers. If I did, I'd be able to do something about it. In fact, you could probably fix it yourself if you really wanted to.

Cast a spell of recall on the old man and myself, to take us back to the Inn

You quickly cast a spell of recall on the old man and myself, to take us back to the Inn. We both laugh as we realize how ridiculous our situation has become.

We all head back to the inn and tell everyone what happened.

ask the old man exactly what happened, and why the town is destroyed

He explains "This whole town was under attack by some demons. They were attacking people and taking their souls. I tried to stop them, but they overpowered me and killed me instantly. Then, the next day, the entire town was attacked again.

"Old man. Go Find Dave and bring him to me at the Inn, I'm going to try and summon and contain the demons here."

He laughs "No way! That won't work! Demons are very powerful creatures, and they're not easily contained. I mean, they're still alive right now, aren't they?

And they'll probably come back for more victims."

You sigh "I guess you're right. Well, I suppose it doesn't matter anyway, because I'm going to try and summon the demons back here. Now, go find Dave and bring him to me at the Inn.

"Not sure. Go get Dave."

"Fine, whatever. Thanks for telling me what happened."

You leave the Old Man and walk down the street. As you pass by houses, you notice that most of them are gone. It's like there was nothing living here except for trees and rocks.

There's also no sign of life anywhere else either. You think about how you wish your parents were here with you.

You continue walking until you reach the Inn. When you enter, you see that it's been completely destroyed by fire and smoke.

Draw a pentagram on the ground in front of the house and start the ritual for summoning the demon responsible for the chaos.

You draw a pentagram on the ground in front of the house and begin chanting "Om Deo Glor, Om Duum Dictum Est" (God wills it, God allows).

The smoke clears up enough for you to see a small figure standing nearby.

The figure looks human, but its face is twisted into an expression of pure hatred. Its eyes glow red hot and it lets out a horrible shriek before running off towards the forest.

Use a containment spell on the demon that was just summoned before he gets to the forest

You release a spell of containment on the demon. He lets out a scream and flees from the area, but not before he tears open several of his own flesh wounds.

Afterwards, you look around and see that the town has been completely destroyed.

Summon another demon for questioning

You call upon a second demon to help you. This one however is much different than the first.

It's taller and bulkier, with large black horns growing from its head.

"tell me demon, what is your name?"

You ask the demon "What is your name?"

The demon says "My name is... Nergal."

Nergal then begins to laugh maniacally as he walks over to you and starts punching you repeatedly in the stomach.

"Now that I know your true name I can control you, and there is nothing you can do about it!" cast a containment spell on the demon to freeze him in place

You shout "NOW THAT I KNOW YOUR TRUE NAME! I CAN CONTROL YOU! THERE IS NOTHING YOU CANT DO ABOUT IT!" You unleash a powerful concentration spell on the demon. The demon screams in pain and attempts to flee, but you catch him again and restrain him tightly.

"Tell me Nergal, who is responsible for the destruction of this town?"

You ask "Who is responsible for the destruction of this town?"

Nergal replies "I did it all by myself. I've always had a thing for demons since they're so damn sexy. They make great pets too, but I prefer them as companions anyway."

Torture nergal for answers

You taunt "Torture? Torture? Tell me Nergal, what are you hiding?"

Nergal replies "Nothing! Nothing at all!"

You laugh "Well guess what, now you'll have to tell me everything or suffer the consequences!"

Condemn Nergal to the depths of hell

You blast the demon with a bolt of negative energy, which causes him to collapse onto the floor. You turn back to Nergal and say "If you think torturing people is fun, wait until you hear what happens next!"

Cast a cock destruction spell on Nergal

You unleash a powerful concentration spell on the demon, causing him to convulse violently. His body explodes into a fine mist of blood and gore.

"Goodbye my friend..." You smile as you walk away from the scene.

Go back to the inn

You return to the inn and find everyone gone. You enter the room where you left your sister and she's nowhere to be seen. She was probably killed during the attack on the town.

A few days later, you receive an unexpected visit from a familiar face.

who is the familiar face

You look around and see a young man dressed in black robes standing nearby. He smiles at you and asks "Are you the brother of your sister?"

You nod "Yes, I am."

He nods back "So who are you?

"My name is JB. I had no idea until I had a sister until just now. Earlier, the Inn was on fire when I accidentally made a dimesion jump potion out of my beer. I think i may be responsible in some way for what happened here, but I fear I've lost my memory."


JB frowns "Oh, well I'm sorry to hear that. It must have been very traumatic for you.

"Wait a minute.. your name is JB as well?"

Think about the situation

You think about the situation and realize that JB is a very good liar. You decide to play along with his ruse.

JB smirks "Of course, I suppose it makes sense why you'd want to keep your identity secret.

Realize that you may have made an evil clone of yourself

You realize that you may have made an evil clone of yourself.

JB sighs "I don't know how long this will last, but I need to get rid of these clones before they do any more damage. So if you can help me do so, please come with me."

Blast the evil JB with death touch magic

You blast the evil JB with death touch magic. The evil JB screams in agony and falls backwards.

JB grins "Well done! Now I can finally move on with my life."

JB walks over to you and kisses you passionately on the lips.

Punch the evil JB in the face for kissing me

You punch the evil JB in the face for kissing you. He collapses onto the floor and begins crying.

JB laughs "Ha ha! You're too stupid to understand that I'm not actually dead yet!" he says as he gets up and walks off towards his carriage.

Cast a fireball at the carriage before the evil JB clone can leave

You cast a fireball at the carriage before the evil JB clone can leave. The flames engulf the carriage and cause it to explode killing all inside.

inspect the remains of the evil JB clone

You examine the remains of the evil JB clone. His eyes are still closed, but you notice that his body has changed slightly. His skin seems to be lighter than normal flesh and there is a slight smell of sulfur in the air. There is also a small hole where his heart should be located.

cast a spell of information on the evil JB clone corpse

You cast a spell of information on the evil JB clone corpse. You learn that he was born in the year 1854 and died in 1926. He had two children who were both killed by bandits when they were young.

Cast reanimate corpse on the evil JB clone

You cast a spell of resurrection on the evil JB clone. He rises from his coffin and looks around confusedly before walking forward to embrace you.

The next day, JB returns with a new servant, a woman dressed in black robes who introduces herself as Mistress.

the evil JB clone is now a zombie with an assistant named mistress

You the evil JB clone is now a zombie with an assistant named mistress.

Mistress smiles "Oh yes, we've been working on him for quite some time now. It's taken awhile, but I think we got him." she says as she points to the skeleton on the ground.

ask mistress, "Who was this skeleton?"

You ask mistress, "Who was this skeleton?"
Mistress replies "It's just a regular old skeleton, nothing special."

You laugh "A regular old skeleton? Well what did you do to it then?"

grab mistress and make long nasty sex to her

You grab mistress and start making long nasty sex to her. She doesn't seem to mind though.

She asks "So how did you get him so quickly?"

"Get who?"

You reply "I don't know, I just grabbed him and made sex with him."

Mistress smiles "Well, if you want to know about it, come back here later" she says as she disappears into the shadows.

Start a ritual to turn myself in to a Witcher

You start a ritual to turn yourself into a Witcher. You feel like you're going insane, but eventually you succeed.

Afterwards, you find out that your name is now Geralt and that you have been given the task of hunting down the remaining members of the White Fang.