JB vs. The Indestructible Dragon Penis

You are JB, a knight living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a steel longsword and a wooden shield. You are on a quest to defeat the evil dragon of Larion. You've heard he lives up at the north of the kingdom. You set on the path to defeat him and walk into a dark forest. As you enter the forest you see a large black dragon sitting on his throne with an army of orcs. He looks down upon you as if he's looking at a child.

"I am the Dragon," he says. "And I will not be defeated."

> !JB rolls a 20 sided die and rolls a natural 20. JB then throws his sword at the Dragon's armored penis, sinking it's blade up to the hilt in Dragon wang

The sword sinks deep into the dragon's cock, but the dragon doesn't even flinch. The sword is now stuck in his dick and you can hear a squishing sound.

"Ha ha! That was funny!" JB laughs. "Now I'm going to kill you."

> Orcs pour out from the forest towards JB and he realizes he has no sword, and looks around for a weapon to defend himself

You stand there, surrounded by orcs who want nothing more than to kill you. Suddenly, one of them comes up to you and grabs your arm. It's a young orc named Orik.

"Hey buddy, whatcha doin' here?" Orik asks.

> "I happened upon an army in the forest with their Dragon, and now my sword is stuck in his cock, I've found myself in quite the situation. Can you help me young Orik?"

Orik nods and runs off back to his tribe.

"What the fuck did you just ask me?!" you exclaim. "That's fucking illegal!"

Suddenly, another orc appears behind you. This one is a big burly Orc named Rolomag.

> !Bash Rolomag with the wooden shield, steal Rolomag's magical weapon

Rolomag turns around and swings his huge club at you. You grab the shield that hangs over your shoulder and bash Rolomag's head in with it. His skull splatters all over your face, causing you to cry out in pain.

> !JB Takes Rolomag's magical weapon

JB picks up Rolomag's magical weapon and holds it in front of him.

"This is the only way we're ever gonna get rid of this dragon," he says. "We need to use this magic weapon against the dragon."

> !JB realizes the weapon talks and has magical properties

JB takes the magical weapon and puts it in his pocket. He then tosses the shield aside and charges forward at the dragon.

He swings his sword like a baseball bat, hitting the dragon square in its groin.

> "I'll have my sword back, Dragon Penis!"

You run forward and swing your sword at the dragon's crotch. You hit it hard, but the dragon doesn't even flinch.

"Shit!" you scream. "It's not working!"

JB runs forward and grabs his sword, which is now broken.

> JB is bewildered how the Dragon's cock could repel even the mightiest of blows. JB Inspects his magical sword and dedeuces it's magical properties

JB inspects his broken sword and finds that it's magical properties have been activated.

"Fuck!" he shouts. "I don't know what the hell I just did, but I think I fucked up big time."

> !JB's magical sword starts shooting uncontrollable lightning in all directions

JB's magical sword begins firing electricity in all directions. You are struck several times by lightning bolts, but fortunately survive them all.

> !JB's sword glows with magical energy. JB then tries to focus that lightning energy on the indesctructable dragon penis

JB uses his magical sword to try and concentrate the lightning into the dragon's dick. Unfortunately, he can't seem to control it very well. The dragon rams itself straight through the ground, destroying a few houses along the way.

> The Orcs look mad at JB for scaring away it's Dragon

The orcs are still mad about the incident with the dragon penises, so they begin attacking you again.

JB manages to dodge most of their attacks, but one hits him right in the eye. It causes him to fall down and break his arm.

> "Fuck!" JB screams. JB Concentrates all his energy in to the sword and raises it in to the air and activates it's unknown magic

JB concentrates all his energy into the sword and raises it in to the air. This causes an explosion of light that blinds everyone.

"What was that?" asks the wizard.
"That was my magical sword," replies JB.

> !JB, realizing there is now a wizard in the area, asks the wizard to heal his eye and broken arm.

JB asks the wizard if he knows where a healer is located.
"A healer? No, no, no! I'm sorry sir, but I've never heard of such a thing!"
"Well then, why don't you go find one yourself?"
"But...but..."

> !JB blasts the wizard with magical sword energy, blowing his cock right off his balls. 

JB blasts the wizard with magical sword energy, blowing his cock right off his balls.

"Oh fuck!" exclaims the Wizard. "Now I have nothing left except a useless piece of meat."

> "Serves you right old man." Just then, the Wizard begins to transform, and it turns out, it was the dragon is disguise

The Wizard transforms into a huge green dragon. He flies towards you and lands on top of you.

"Oh great, another pathetic human trying to take me on!" he says. "So this is what happens when humans fail to understand the power of dragons."

> !JB pierces the dragon in the penis with his magical sword

JB pierces the dragon in the penis with his magical sword. The dragon explodes in a shower of blood and semen.

"Ah shit!" exclaims the Wizard. "It looks like we're going to need more wizards around here."

> !Confused, JB puts the sword in his mouth, falls forward on it, and kills himself.

You put your sword in your mouth and fall forward onto it. You kill yourself.

JB Condemns Orcs to Eternal Buggery, Then Becomes Self Aware

You are JB, a wizard living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a staff and a spellbook. You finish your long journey and finally arrive at the ruin you've been looking for. You look around and see that it's just as you left it. The only difference is now there’s a group of orcs standing outside the ruins.

The orcs aren’t exactly friendly though, they immediately attack you when you enter the ruins.

> Cast a spell of gay orc on the orcs

You quickly cast a spell of gay orc on the orcs. They don't even notice, but you do.

> Entice the orcs to make love to each other instead of fighting JD the Wizard

You entice the orcs to make love to each other instead of fighting JD the Wizard.

> "Now see here Orcs. Unless you behave yourself and shape up, you will cursed to boggle each other's bum bum's until the end of time. Okay?"

You say "Now see here Orcs. Unless you behave yourself and shape up, you will cursed to boggle each other's bum bum".
They all start laughing at this remark and then begin making out with one another in an orgy like manner.

> Brew a potion of Bum Bum touching

You brew a potion of Bum Bum touching. It works wonders! The orcs stop their lewd behavior and become more civilized.

JD the Wizard has been defeated by his own creations.

> "Damn, that was unexpected." JB thought to himself. 

JD the Wizard thinks to himself "Damn, that was unexpected." He walks away from the ruins and into the forest where he continues his life of crime.

> JB The wizard searches for merriment in the woods, and high adventure.

JB the wizard wanders off into the forests, hoping to find merriment and adventure. He finds none of these things however. Instead he comes across a cave full of goblins who are very hostile towards him.

He tries to reason with them, but they refuse to listen.

> "Sigh. Now like the orcs i fought previously, I could make you have an endless orgy, or we could discuss like gentlemen."

You say "Sigh. Now like the orcs i fought previously, I could make you have an endless orgy, or we could discuss like gentlemen."

JB the wizard decides to kill them all and take their treasure.

> "Well that was anticlimactic." JB Says to himself as he counts his newfound riches. But what to spend it on?

You say "Well that was anticlimactic." JB Says to himself as he counts his newfound riches. But what to spend it on?

JB the Wizard goes back home and begins drinking heavily.

> JB Kicks his feet up on his favorite chair and takes a swig of his favorite brew, and stares around the room of his forest home.

JB the Wizard kicks his feet up on his favorite chair and takes a swig of his favorite brew, and stares around the room of his forest home.

The next day, JD the Wizard returns to finish off everything he started yesterday. He is not disappointed.

> "Time to kill some orcs!"

You say "Time to kill some orcs!" JD the Wizard smiles, and says "I can't wait to do it again!"

> !25 orcs are having an orgy in the woods when JB interupts their most demonic of anal pleasures.

25 orcs are having an orgy in the woods when JB interrupts their most demonic of anal pleasures. They scream and flee from the area.

JB the Wizard turns to you and says "Ahhh, now that was fun." Then he heads back to his forest home.

> JB The wizard becomes self aware that there is a story being written by some outside force dictating his actions

JB the Wizard becomes self aware that there is a story being written by some outside force dictating his actions. He feels compelled to continue doing what he's doing.

JD the Wizard does not feel this way, so he leaves the forest and begins drinking at a local tavern.

> !Change JD's name to JB as they are one in the same

JD the Wizard changes his name to JB as they are one in the same.

JB the wizard drinks more and has a good time, but eventually he gets bored of this lifestyle and goes back to his forest home.

> JB Casts a spell on himself, making him the narrator of this story

JB the wizard casts a spell on himself, making him the narrator of this story.

The next morning, JD the Wizard wakes up and sees that he is no longer in control of his body.

> !JB the Wizard is now controlling JD the wizard from the game AI Dungeon from his forest home

JB the Wizard is now controlling JD the wizard from the game AI Dungeon from his forest home.

JD the Wizard is now in control of his own body, and cannot leave it for fear of losing control over it entirely.

> !Paradox spirits consume the soul of JB The Wizard for he has tampered with reality too much this time

Paradox spirits consume the soul of JB The Wizard for he has tampered with reality too much this time.
JB the wizard dies soon after, and his spirit is trapped inside your computer until you decide to free him.