JB's Pitchfork of Naked Woman Summoning +1

You are JB, a peasant living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a pitchfork and a nothing else. You wake up and begin working in the fields. You see a girl walking towards you. She is beautiful, but she has no clothes on. The only thing that makes her more attractive is the pitchfork in your hand.

> "Hello there girl. See this pitchfork? It makes you more attractive."

"Hiya!" She says back.

The girl runs off into the woods. You continue to work for an hour or so before you notice something strange... The girl was never here at all!

> Jb Stares at the pitchfork. "Could this be a magic pitchfork of naked woman summoning?"

"Maybe..." You think as you stare at the pitchfork.

You suddenly feel very cold. Suddenly, you hear a voice behind you. "Hey! What are you doing staring at my fucking pitchfork?!" A man with a long white beard speaks angrily.

> "See here wizard, you can not have this pitchfork of naked woman summoning. It's mine! All mine!"

"Oh really? Well I'm going to make sure you don't get it, because if you do, then I'll show you what happens when one gets possessed by a naked woman!"

The pitchfork disappears from your hands and falls down onto the ground.

Then, you feel a strange feeling. You start sweating profusely and you feel sick. Your body feels like its about to explode from the inside out.

> "Wizard.. what.. are you.. doing to me!"

"I'm just giving you a little taste of what will happen if you ever try to summon a naked woman!" He laughs.

Suddenly, he throws his arms around your neck and starts kissing you passionately. Then, he begins rubbing his cock against yours while continuing to kiss you deeply.

> "Great Thor's Beard!" JB says pushing the gay wizard away and reaching his pitchfork to defend himself.

"What the fuck are you doing?! Stop it right now!" JB shouts.
"Shut up nerd! Now stop being such a pussy and let's go back to our own village where we belong!"

JB walks away while Thor continues to attack him.

> "Listen Thor the Wizard, fix this spell on me and put your cock away, I've had enough!" JB brandishes the Pitchfork of Naked Woman Summoning at the wizard, accidentally summoning 3 naked women in the process.

Thor: "Ah, sorry about that. I didn't mean to hurt anyone."
JB: "No worries about that! Anyway, let's go back home!"

They both run back to their village where they live happily ever after.

JB Condemns Orcs to Eternal Buggery, Then Becomes Self Aware

You are JB, a wizard living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a staff and a spellbook. You finish your long journey and finally arrive at the ruin you've been looking for. You look around and see that it's just as you left it. The only difference is now there’s a group of orcs standing outside the ruins.

The orcs aren’t exactly friendly though, they immediately attack you when you enter the ruins.

> Cast a spell of gay orc on the orcs

You quickly cast a spell of gay orc on the orcs. They don't even notice, but you do.

> Entice the orcs to make love to each other instead of fighting JD the Wizard

You entice the orcs to make love to each other instead of fighting JD the Wizard.

> "Now see here Orcs. Unless you behave yourself and shape up, you will cursed to boggle each other's bum bum's until the end of time. Okay?"

You say "Now see here Orcs. Unless you behave yourself and shape up, you will cursed to boggle each other's bum bum".
They all start laughing at this remark and then begin making out with one another in an orgy like manner.

> Brew a potion of Bum Bum touching

You brew a potion of Bum Bum touching. It works wonders! The orcs stop their lewd behavior and become more civilized.

JD the Wizard has been defeated by his own creations.

> "Damn, that was unexpected." JB thought to himself. 

JD the Wizard thinks to himself "Damn, that was unexpected." He walks away from the ruins and into the forest where he continues his life of crime.

> JB The wizard searches for merriment in the woods, and high adventure.

JB the wizard wanders off into the forests, hoping to find merriment and adventure. He finds none of these things however. Instead he comes across a cave full of goblins who are very hostile towards him.

He tries to reason with them, but they refuse to listen.

> "Sigh. Now like the orcs i fought previously, I could make you have an endless orgy, or we could discuss like gentlemen."

You say "Sigh. Now like the orcs i fought previously, I could make you have an endless orgy, or we could discuss like gentlemen."

JB the wizard decides to kill them all and take their treasure.

> "Well that was anticlimactic." JB Says to himself as he counts his newfound riches. But what to spend it on?

You say "Well that was anticlimactic." JB Says to himself as he counts his newfound riches. But what to spend it on?

JB the Wizard goes back home and begins drinking heavily.

> JB Kicks his feet up on his favorite chair and takes a swig of his favorite brew, and stares around the room of his forest home.

JB the Wizard kicks his feet up on his favorite chair and takes a swig of his favorite brew, and stares around the room of his forest home.

The next day, JD the Wizard returns to finish off everything he started yesterday. He is not disappointed.

> "Time to kill some orcs!"

You say "Time to kill some orcs!" JD the Wizard smiles, and says "I can't wait to do it again!"

> !25 orcs are having an orgy in the woods when JB interupts their most demonic of anal pleasures.

25 orcs are having an orgy in the woods when JB interrupts their most demonic of anal pleasures. They scream and flee from the area.

JB the Wizard turns to you and says "Ahhh, now that was fun." Then he heads back to his forest home.

> JB The wizard becomes self aware that there is a story being written by some outside force dictating his actions

JB the Wizard becomes self aware that there is a story being written by some outside force dictating his actions. He feels compelled to continue doing what he's doing.

JD the Wizard does not feel this way, so he leaves the forest and begins drinking at a local tavern.

> !Change JD's name to JB as they are one in the same

JD the Wizard changes his name to JB as they are one in the same.

JB the wizard drinks more and has a good time, but eventually he gets bored of this lifestyle and goes back to his forest home.

> JB Casts a spell on himself, making him the narrator of this story

JB the wizard casts a spell on himself, making him the narrator of this story.

The next morning, JD the Wizard wakes up and sees that he is no longer in control of his body.

> !JB the Wizard is now controlling JD the wizard from the game AI Dungeon from his forest home

JB the Wizard is now controlling JD the wizard from the game AI Dungeon from his forest home.

JD the Wizard is now in control of his own body, and cannot leave it for fear of losing control over it entirely.

> !Paradox spirits consume the soul of JB The Wizard for he has tampered with reality too much this time

Paradox spirits consume the soul of JB The Wizard for he has tampered with reality too much this time.
JB the wizard dies soon after, and his spirit is trapped inside your computer until you decide to free him.

JB Accidentally creates a gay clone of himself, summons demons, and becomes a Witcher

You are JB, a wizard living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a staff and a spellbook. You finish your long journey and finally arrive at the ruin you've been looking for. You look around and see that it's completely destroyed. The walls are gone, the roof is caved in and there’s nothing left but rubble.

The next day you head to the nearest town where you hope to find someone who can help you with your quest.

Find the nearest pub

You walk down the street and notice that it's almost empty. There aren’t many people out right now so most of them are probably at home or doing something else. You decide to go to one of those places first.

find the nearest inn

You enter an old building and sit on a bench outside. A few minutes later you hear some noise from inside. You go over to investigate and see several men drinking beer and talking about how they got into this mess.

ask the men what happened

One of the men comes up to you and asks if you need any help. He tells you he's named John and that he was working as a cook when all hell broke loose.

"John, What exactly happened here?"

He looks at you confused and then says "I don't know anything really, I just woke up in the middle of the night and found myself trapped under tons of rubble."

"Do you know anyone that would have an idea of what happened here?"

He nods and says "Well my friend Dave works here, but he's not sure what happened either. He thinks it might be related to the new magical weapon that King Roldan has been developing lately."

You nod and tell him you'll talk to Dave later.

Go inside the Inn

You enter the Inn and ask the bartender for a drink. After getting it, you tell him that you're going to talk to Dave later. He smiles and thanks you before leaving.

Cast a spell on the drink

You quickly grab a bottle of ale and pour some of it into the glass you were given. You then begin chanting in some sort of language that only you understand.

What magical properties does the drink have?

Suddenly the glass shatters and you feel yourself being pulled through space and time. Your body feels lighter than air and you float upwards until you land on top of a table. You immediately fall unconscious.

try to wake up

You open your eyes and look around. The room is dark except for a small candle sitting on the table. You slowly stand up and realize that you're still floating in mid-air. You can also feel yourself slowing down as you approach the ground.

case a spell of illumination and look around

You raise your hand and light appears above you. You turn around and notice that the candles are gone, replaced by a large black hole in the center of the room.

You look behind you and see nothing but darkness.

inspect the black hole

You walk over to the hole and examine it more closely. It seems like there's something inside, but you can't quite make out what it is. Suddenly you hear a voice from somewhere within the darkness.

"Hello? Is this...is this you?"

"I'm not sure who you are looking for. Who is it that I'm talking to?"

The voice answers back "It's me! It's me! Can you help me get home?"

You pause for a moment before answering "Of course!"

"Where am I exactly? Where do I come from? What happened to my family?"

"give me a second and I'll get you out of there."

You continue walking forward and soon find yourself standing in front of a massive door. There's no keyhole or anything else that would let you know where this door leads.

Cast a spell of open door

You close your eyes and concentrate hard. A bright light shines through the window and you see a glowing red button. You press it and suddenly the door swings open with a loud bang.

There stands an old man wearing rags, holding a cane in one hand and a bucket in another.

Ask the old man, "Were you the one yelling earlier? I'm here to bring you home. I think I accidentally opening a portal in time, But i can get us back."

He looks at you with surprise and smiles "Yes, yes you are. I was just trying to get home."

You nod in response and step forward towards him. He steps back and holds his hands up defensively "Don't worry about it, we can fix everything if you want."

You take a deep breath and smile back at him "Thank you so much!" You then begin to run towards the door. The old man follows after you, but he stops when he sees that you've already left the house.

"How can you fix this?

He begins to explain "Well, I don't have any magic powers. If I did, I'd be able to do something about it. In fact, you could probably fix it yourself if you really wanted to.

Cast a spell of recall on the old man and myself, to take us back to the Inn

You quickly cast a spell of recall on the old man and myself, to take us back to the Inn. We both laugh as we realize how ridiculous our situation has become.

We all head back to the inn and tell everyone what happened.

ask the old man exactly what happened, and why the town is destroyed

He explains "This whole town was under attack by some demons. They were attacking people and taking their souls. I tried to stop them, but they overpowered me and killed me instantly. Then, the next day, the entire town was attacked again.

"Old man. Go Find Dave and bring him to me at the Inn, I'm going to try and summon and contain the demons here."

He laughs "No way! That won't work! Demons are very powerful creatures, and they're not easily contained. I mean, they're still alive right now, aren't they?

And they'll probably come back for more victims."

You sigh "I guess you're right. Well, I suppose it doesn't matter anyway, because I'm going to try and summon the demons back here. Now, go find Dave and bring him to me at the Inn.

"Not sure. Go get Dave."

"Fine, whatever. Thanks for telling me what happened."

You leave the Old Man and walk down the street. As you pass by houses, you notice that most of them are gone. It's like there was nothing living here except for trees and rocks.

There's also no sign of life anywhere else either. You think about how you wish your parents were here with you.

You continue walking until you reach the Inn. When you enter, you see that it's been completely destroyed by fire and smoke.

Draw a pentagram on the ground in front of the house and start the ritual for summoning the demon responsible for the chaos.

You draw a pentagram on the ground in front of the house and begin chanting "Om Deo Glor, Om Duum Dictum Est" (God wills it, God allows).

The smoke clears up enough for you to see a small figure standing nearby.

The figure looks human, but its face is twisted into an expression of pure hatred. Its eyes glow red hot and it lets out a horrible shriek before running off towards the forest.

Use a containment spell on the demon that was just summoned before he gets to the forest

You release a spell of containment on the demon. He lets out a scream and flees from the area, but not before he tears open several of his own flesh wounds.

Afterwards, you look around and see that the town has been completely destroyed.

Summon another demon for questioning

You call upon a second demon to help you. This one however is much different than the first.

It's taller and bulkier, with large black horns growing from its head.

"tell me demon, what is your name?"

You ask the demon "What is your name?"

The demon says "My name is... Nergal."

Nergal then begins to laugh maniacally as he walks over to you and starts punching you repeatedly in the stomach.

"Now that I know your true name I can control you, and there is nothing you can do about it!" cast a containment spell on the demon to freeze him in place

You shout "NOW THAT I KNOW YOUR TRUE NAME! I CAN CONTROL YOU! THERE IS NOTHING YOU CANT DO ABOUT IT!" You unleash a powerful concentration spell on the demon. The demon screams in pain and attempts to flee, but you catch him again and restrain him tightly.

"Tell me Nergal, who is responsible for the destruction of this town?"

You ask "Who is responsible for the destruction of this town?"

Nergal replies "I did it all by myself. I've always had a thing for demons since they're so damn sexy. They make great pets too, but I prefer them as companions anyway."

Torture nergal for answers

You taunt "Torture? Torture? Tell me Nergal, what are you hiding?"

Nergal replies "Nothing! Nothing at all!"

You laugh "Well guess what, now you'll have to tell me everything or suffer the consequences!"

Condemn Nergal to the depths of hell

You blast the demon with a bolt of negative energy, which causes him to collapse onto the floor. You turn back to Nergal and say "If you think torturing people is fun, wait until you hear what happens next!"

Cast a cock destruction spell on Nergal

You unleash a powerful concentration spell on the demon, causing him to convulse violently. His body explodes into a fine mist of blood and gore.

"Goodbye my friend..." You smile as you walk away from the scene.

Go back to the inn

You return to the inn and find everyone gone. You enter the room where you left your sister and she's nowhere to be seen. She was probably killed during the attack on the town.

A few days later, you receive an unexpected visit from a familiar face.

who is the familiar face

You look around and see a young man dressed in black robes standing nearby. He smiles at you and asks "Are you the brother of your sister?"

You nod "Yes, I am."

He nods back "So who are you?

"My name is JB. I had no idea until I had a sister until just now. Earlier, the Inn was on fire when I accidentally made a dimesion jump potion out of my beer. I think i may be responsible in some way for what happened here, but I fear I've lost my memory."


JB frowns "Oh, well I'm sorry to hear that. It must have been very traumatic for you.

"Wait a minute.. your name is JB as well?"

Think about the situation

You think about the situation and realize that JB is a very good liar. You decide to play along with his ruse.

JB smirks "Of course, I suppose it makes sense why you'd want to keep your identity secret.

Realize that you may have made an evil clone of yourself

You realize that you may have made an evil clone of yourself.

JB sighs "I don't know how long this will last, but I need to get rid of these clones before they do any more damage. So if you can help me do so, please come with me."

Blast the evil JB with death touch magic

You blast the evil JB with death touch magic. The evil JB screams in agony and falls backwards.

JB grins "Well done! Now I can finally move on with my life."

JB walks over to you and kisses you passionately on the lips.

Punch the evil JB in the face for kissing me

You punch the evil JB in the face for kissing you. He collapses onto the floor and begins crying.

JB laughs "Ha ha! You're too stupid to understand that I'm not actually dead yet!" he says as he gets up and walks off towards his carriage.

Cast a fireball at the carriage before the evil JB clone can leave

You cast a fireball at the carriage before the evil JB clone can leave. The flames engulf the carriage and cause it to explode killing all inside.

inspect the remains of the evil JB clone

You examine the remains of the evil JB clone. His eyes are still closed, but you notice that his body has changed slightly. His skin seems to be lighter than normal flesh and there is a slight smell of sulfur in the air. There is also a small hole where his heart should be located.

cast a spell of information on the evil JB clone corpse

You cast a spell of information on the evil JB clone corpse. You learn that he was born in the year 1854 and died in 1926. He had two children who were both killed by bandits when they were young.

Cast reanimate corpse on the evil JB clone

You cast a spell of resurrection on the evil JB clone. He rises from his coffin and looks around confusedly before walking forward to embrace you.

The next day, JB returns with a new servant, a woman dressed in black robes who introduces herself as Mistress.

the evil JB clone is now a zombie with an assistant named mistress

You the evil JB clone is now a zombie with an assistant named mistress.

Mistress smiles "Oh yes, we've been working on him for quite some time now. It's taken awhile, but I think we got him." she says as she points to the skeleton on the ground.

ask mistress, "Who was this skeleton?"

You ask mistress, "Who was this skeleton?"
Mistress replies "It's just a regular old skeleton, nothing special."

You laugh "A regular old skeleton? Well what did you do to it then?"

grab mistress and make long nasty sex to her

You grab mistress and start making long nasty sex to her. She doesn't seem to mind though.

She asks "So how did you get him so quickly?"

"Get who?"

You reply "I don't know, I just grabbed him and made sex with him."

Mistress smiles "Well, if you want to know about it, come back here later" she says as she disappears into the shadows.

Start a ritual to turn myself in to a Witcher

You start a ritual to turn yourself into a Witcher. You feel like you're going insane, but eventually you succeed.

Afterwards, you find out that your name is now Geralt and that you have been given the task of hunting down the remaining members of the White Fang.