JB vs. The Indestructible Dragon Penis

You are JB, a knight living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a steel longsword and a wooden shield. You are on a quest to defeat the evil dragon of Larion. You've heard he lives up at the north of the kingdom. You set on the path to defeat him and walk into a dark forest. As you enter the forest you see a large black dragon sitting on his throne with an army of orcs. He looks down upon you as if he's looking at a child.

"I am the Dragon," he says. "And I will not be defeated."

> !JB rolls a 20 sided die and rolls a natural 20. JB then throws his sword at the Dragon's armored penis, sinking it's blade up to the hilt in Dragon wang

The sword sinks deep into the dragon's cock, but the dragon doesn't even flinch. The sword is now stuck in his dick and you can hear a squishing sound.

"Ha ha! That was funny!" JB laughs. "Now I'm going to kill you."

> Orcs pour out from the forest towards JB and he realizes he has no sword, and looks around for a weapon to defend himself

You stand there, surrounded by orcs who want nothing more than to kill you. Suddenly, one of them comes up to you and grabs your arm. It's a young orc named Orik.

"Hey buddy, whatcha doin' here?" Orik asks.

> "I happened upon an army in the forest with their Dragon, and now my sword is stuck in his cock, I've found myself in quite the situation. Can you help me young Orik?"

Orik nods and runs off back to his tribe.

"What the fuck did you just ask me?!" you exclaim. "That's fucking illegal!"

Suddenly, another orc appears behind you. This one is a big burly Orc named Rolomag.

> !Bash Rolomag with the wooden shield, steal Rolomag's magical weapon

Rolomag turns around and swings his huge club at you. You grab the shield that hangs over your shoulder and bash Rolomag's head in with it. His skull splatters all over your face, causing you to cry out in pain.

> !JB Takes Rolomag's magical weapon

JB picks up Rolomag's magical weapon and holds it in front of him.

"This is the only way we're ever gonna get rid of this dragon," he says. "We need to use this magic weapon against the dragon."

> !JB realizes the weapon talks and has magical properties

JB takes the magical weapon and puts it in his pocket. He then tosses the shield aside and charges forward at the dragon.

He swings his sword like a baseball bat, hitting the dragon square in its groin.

> "I'll have my sword back, Dragon Penis!"

You run forward and swing your sword at the dragon's crotch. You hit it hard, but the dragon doesn't even flinch.

"Shit!" you scream. "It's not working!"

JB runs forward and grabs his sword, which is now broken.

> JB is bewildered how the Dragon's cock could repel even the mightiest of blows. JB Inspects his magical sword and dedeuces it's magical properties

JB inspects his broken sword and finds that it's magical properties have been activated.

"Fuck!" he shouts. "I don't know what the hell I just did, but I think I fucked up big time."

> !JB's magical sword starts shooting uncontrollable lightning in all directions

JB's magical sword begins firing electricity in all directions. You are struck several times by lightning bolts, but fortunately survive them all.

> !JB's sword glows with magical energy. JB then tries to focus that lightning energy on the indesctructable dragon penis

JB uses his magical sword to try and concentrate the lightning into the dragon's dick. Unfortunately, he can't seem to control it very well. The dragon rams itself straight through the ground, destroying a few houses along the way.

> The Orcs look mad at JB for scaring away it's Dragon

The orcs are still mad about the incident with the dragon penises, so they begin attacking you again.

JB manages to dodge most of their attacks, but one hits him right in the eye. It causes him to fall down and break his arm.

> "Fuck!" JB screams. JB Concentrates all his energy in to the sword and raises it in to the air and activates it's unknown magic

JB concentrates all his energy into the sword and raises it in to the air. This causes an explosion of light that blinds everyone.

"What was that?" asks the wizard.
"That was my magical sword," replies JB.

> !JB, realizing there is now a wizard in the area, asks the wizard to heal his eye and broken arm.

JB asks the wizard if he knows where a healer is located.
"A healer? No, no, no! I'm sorry sir, but I've never heard of such a thing!"
"Well then, why don't you go find one yourself?"
"But...but..."

> !JB blasts the wizard with magical sword energy, blowing his cock right off his balls. 

JB blasts the wizard with magical sword energy, blowing his cock right off his balls.

"Oh fuck!" exclaims the Wizard. "Now I have nothing left except a useless piece of meat."

> "Serves you right old man." Just then, the Wizard begins to transform, and it turns out, it was the dragon is disguise

The Wizard transforms into a huge green dragon. He flies towards you and lands on top of you.

"Oh great, another pathetic human trying to take me on!" he says. "So this is what happens when humans fail to understand the power of dragons."

> !JB pierces the dragon in the penis with his magical sword

JB pierces the dragon in the penis with his magical sword. The dragon explodes in a shower of blood and semen.

"Ah shit!" exclaims the Wizard. "It looks like we're going to need more wizards around here."

> !Confused, JB puts the sword in his mouth, falls forward on it, and kills himself.

You put your sword in your mouth and fall forward onto it. You kill yourself.