JB: The God of Wine-Fighting

You are JB, a rogue living in the kingdom of Larion. You have a long steel dagger and a length of rope. You walk down the city street looking for somehwere to steal from. You look around and see that it is quite safe, but you know there must be something better than what's available here.

What do you do?

> Travel to another town nearby that is not larion in search of trouble, riches, and whores

You decide to go somewhere else where you can get more trouble, more money, and more women. You head towards the neighboring village of Nolamun. There are no problems or any trouble at all there. The people seem happy and contented with their lives.

> "Perfect. Let's fuck this up." JB mutters to himself while rubbing his hands together.

You say "Perfect. Let's fuck this up." as if to imply that your plan was flawed. JB says "Yeah, I think we should fuck this shit up" and then he turns around and walks away without saying anything else.

> Look around for an Inn so I can get fucked up on ale and get some fine Nolamun Sweet Sweet hussssss

You turn around and look back at the tavern. It seems like they don't serve ale here, so you need to find one that does. You start walking towards the nearest building that looks like it might sell something.

> Finally, some ale. Let us drink and whore!

You finally manage to get some ale and a bottle of wine. You take them both and sit down in front of the tavern. A few minutes later, you hear a loud noise coming from outside.

> Check on the noise outside, bring the wine too

You quickly check on the noise outside. You see a large group of orcs running out of the tavern and into the streets. They seem to be heading straight towards you.

You immediately grab your sword and run after them, grabbing the bottle of wine as well along the way.

> drink some wine, and cut some orc faces, drink more wine, kiss a random woman

You continue drinking the wine and cutting orc faces. You begin to feel very drunk, but you still keep going. Soon, you reach a point where you can barely stand up anymore. You fall over and vomit on the ground.

> drink more of the wine and loot the orc corpses, find more wine and drink that as well

You continue drinking the wine and looting the orc corpses. You find more bottles of wine and even a bottle opener. You put the bottle opener on your belt loop and then proceed to open several bottles of wine, taking them with you.

> JB is now known as JB, the Orc Slayer, God of Wine Fighting

You continue drinking the wine and looting the orc corpses. You find more bottles of wine and even a bottle opener. You put the bottle opener on your belt loop and then proceed to open several bottles of wine, taking them with you.

> Find the nearest brothel while drinking even more wine

You continue drinking the wine and looting the orc corpses. You find another bottle of wine, which you take with you.

You walk to a nearby brothel, hoping that it has decent alcohol content.

> My memory becomes foggy, yet still drinking more wine. whoring is on the menu and this place has the best menu

You continue to drink the wine and looting the orc corpses. You find another bottle of wine, which you take with you.

The next day, you wake up from your drunken stupor to realize that you have no idea what happened yesterday or how long ago it was...

> !JB asks the barkeep what happened the night before

"I'm sorry sir, I forgot all about yesterday's events." The bartender says. "It's alright sir, we'll remember for you..."

JB begins to ask him questions about the previous day and he answers everything correctly.

> The barkeep divulges everything awful JB did the night before

The barkeep tells you about the horrible things JB did the night before. He goes on to say that he had sex with an orc girl who looked like she was around your age. She was so ugly that it made his dick hard when he saw her face.

> "Fuck! That's insane." JB says to the barkeep as he starts drinking his headache away. "What else did I do barkeep?"

He continues to tell you about JB's other activities. He went to a brothel and had sex with many women there. He also drank too much wine and got drunk at the same time.

> "Is it true Barkeep, that I shit myself as well?"

You see that the barkeep is not very happy with you, but he doesn't seem to care.

JB notices that you are looking at him and then looks down and shakes his head. "No, I didn't shit myself."

"Well, if you're sure..."

You say in confusion.

"Yes, I'm sure." He replies.

> "I smell shit."

You look at the barkeep and you can see that he is lying. You feel disgusted by him.

"Oh fuck!" You exclaim. "That guy is fucking disgusting."

> Realizing the Barkeep has indeed shit his pants, JB orders a White Claw from the bar

JB orders a White Claw from the bar.

Afterwards, you go back home and start crying. You don't know why, but you just want to cry.